FIGHTING FOR PERFECTION?
• Posted by Diane Kress
It’s interesting, but sometimes my private mail from MV and my patients seems to contain a common theme. If I’m right, today’s common theme involves…”I’m satisfied with so much but…..”
“I’ve followed MM for ______ period of time. My labs are now normal or the best they have ever been, I am off medication or take much less than before, I feel great, I have energy, I am happy with things in general. But….I did not yet reach what I thought would be my desired body weight or my waistline isn’t a perfect as I would have wanted it to be.” What should I do?”
The following is one of the answers I gave to one member of MV. What does everyone think about it….as this is my personal (and professional) opinion. You may have a different take….Let’s talk about it:
I will give you my personal and professional opinion. I base “ideal body weight” on things other than the traditional scale or BMI. I don’t use them at all in my own life. I consider my ideal body weight the weight at which I am healthy (based on my labs and my blood pressure) on the least amount of medication. I genuinely like the way I look and feel good about myself. I can do all the physical things that make me happy and healthy. I have no idea what that weight is on the scale. I use clothing size as my barometer and don’t often wear elastic waist bands.
I test my blood sugar daily (2-3 times), and I check my blood pressure at home several few times a week. I see my physician for wellness checks; internist, ophthalmologist, dentist, gynecologist, cardiologist. I am in the size clothes I like to wear. I am comfortable with my body, dressed or undressed. I accept that I’m in my 50’s and I’m comfortable with my body.
And so, I live in Step 3. I LIVE in Step 3. When anything changes in my life: labs, blood pressure, high stress, illness, I go off “MM” for some reason, or waist bands get tight….I do the following. I set a time line for Step 1. Usually 2 weeks or 4 weeks. I follow it by an equal number of weeks on Step 2. And then I return to Step 3 and LIVE.
This works for me. I have objective data to show health, I have clothes size, I have the way i “see” my physical presence, and I have my energy level and feeling of wellness.
This was a great question. I’m going to share the answer with MV…I think it might help others. What do you think? xo Diane
Here are some MV replies. I deleted the names of the members and my answers have my name. The MV conversation begins:
Reply by _________
I think it’s a great answer !….it completely covers the health bases as well as satisfaction with personal appearance. 🙂
Reply by Diane Kress
And I think that’s what it’s all about. I’ve found that different age MM’rs have different priorities:
teens: appearance, appearance, appearance, and controlling PCOS (midline fat, acne, irregular periods, etc).
twenties and thirties: appearance, controlling PCOS, getting pregnant with PCOS, healthy pregnancy, energy level for life, career, family, feeling mentally fuzzy and desiring more clarity and focus, mild depression/anxiety.
forties: appearance, very stubborn weight gain around the middle, energy level, perimenopause symptoms, changing labwork, requiring medications for the first time, memory issues, mild depression.
fifties and up: appearance, menopause symptoms, health issues and labs, needing medications, feeling older, getting older, focus, concentration, memory, retaining control over body, getting to and maintaining a healthy weight.
Yes…we are all motivated by our appearance. Everyone wants to look the best they can. But, depending on where you are in life, sometimes other issues take become a priority. I think it feels wonderful to be proactive in taking care of my body…mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope everyone can get to a place where they feel their healthiest in all areas.
Reply by ________
Diane, I love how you always know how to pull us back to what is really important in our lives, being healthy and learning to love ourselves as unique individuals. Hugs
Reply by __________
I wonder if some of this is a slow change of mind set. Speaking for myself, I am still not used to myself as I am today, even tho I feel & look the best I ever have. I have finally gotten over “the scale tells how I look” frame of mind. But Im still “that big gal” in my mind much of the time. Seeing my reflection walking up to a glass door, or folding my jeans out of the dryer, its, oh, thats me, or can I really wear these?. Its almost like losing part of my identity that I’ve had for almost 50 yrs, since being cognizant of being called that chubby little girl. Crazy how its hard to let that go!
I’ve had a friend say that I can wear more form fitting shirts, but I’ve had such a dislike of my shirts outlining my belly rolls, it’s hard to change. I’ve been blessed with not having any health issues, so for me its an appearance & how do I feel issue. But its still a process!
Reply by ________
I am right there with you on the walking up to the glass window. Did it again today. I looked and said to myself, wait that’s me. I’m not heavy anymore and I look good. But it still surprises me. I have been over weight for over 29 years. Finally, I’m starting to see the inner me. The one who got married 31 years ago on the 27th of August. I’m older have wrinkles and get tired easier. But I do understand what Diane posted. This is how I am trying to see myself now.
• Reply by Diane Kress
So true. THIS is the healthier more balanced you. The reflection you saw in the past was you…but you under the stress of metabolic mayhem. It’s similar to how a person looks when he/she is sick. It’s the same person, but when they are sick, they look different…..pale, dark circles under the eyes, unhealthy pallor. When the same person gets well, they look like themselves….nice color, bright eyes, exuding health and wellness.
What you see now is you…healthy. Embrace “you”…get used to “you.” This “you” is the real you.
Reply by Diane Kress
It is a process. I used to work with many people after gastric bypass. For them it was even harder as they lost over 100 pounds in a year. The person in the mirror was a stranger to them. Many felt exposed and uncomfortable at their leaner weight. Many were unsure as to how to deal with positive attention. Getting compliments about their appearance was a gray zone.
The thing about MM is that it is a process….a process that takes time. We are rewiring our metabolism from one that over reacts to carbs and liver glycogen to a metabolism that can be rested and retrained to accept carbs (in the type, timing, and amount that works for Met B).
So… it’s a great idea to take that picture. Once a month…against a plain wall….in the same outfit. Little by little…you will “see” the changes occurring. Look at the pictures and say…this is me. This is who I am healthy. This is what I look like; not like I used to when I was metabolically upset.
Reply by _______
Thanks, Diane, you “get” me! It was hard to articulate the point I was trying to make. Interestingly enough, I was in tears as I was writing it! Seriously! I thought wow, where did that surge of emotion come from. Nasty little demons! 🙂
Reply by Diane Kress
I said it before, I”ll say it again….(and I AM a woman so I say this as a woman, even though it’s not complimentary or politically correct)…..
SOME women are not happy when their friends, acquaintances, work pals look better or are happy about something. I’m not sure why this happens….but lots of women are guilty of this and lots of women on the other side of their hurtful, derogatory comments suffer from this.
She saw your legs…they changed…you were wearing some cute leggings…..and for some reason, she had to put a negative spin on it. Maybe it makes her feel better to put you down, maybe she wishes she looked differently, maybe she envies all the positive changes that are surrounding you, maybe she’s unhappy and wishes others were, too. Misery loves company,
Whatever her deal is…it’s HER problem. I have a really off color response i would have given her, with a smile, regarding the air-drawn lollipop….but I guess this is a G rated site, right?
Hang around on MV….we truly care about each other and support each other…..xo D
Reply by L
“I am losing weight ,my blood pressure is lower than its been in my life, my sugar is stable and I’m not hungry all the time…blessings in abundance” – here is the proof you are being successful!!! you already started on the positive road. I just came back from vacation and I am so proud of myself! I ate the MV way with a few treats added….it really came quite naturally! I will go back to step one for at least 2 weeks (I think) I am losing and I have stopped obsessing about being perfect, I am living it and making changes when I have gotten off track. I love to quilt and I compare it to having to “rip some things apart” at times and start over….the end result is usually lovely! Enjoy the day!
Reply by Diane Kress
Hi L, that is a great metaphor…..the quilting reference
Reply by B
I agree with you Diane, a lot of people (usually females) have a hard time being happy for some one else who is successfully accomplishing something that they have failed at. A couple of years ago a co-worker started weight watchers and dropped a lot of weight. Even though I wanted to be happy for her is was hard to be excited for her success because everything I tried was unsuccessful. Even now that that I am having success with MM I still find myself wishing that my story is more ” dramatic” you know, like having people constantly tell you how great you look and wow how much weight have you lost? But, I know my health is improved, blood pressure is wonderful, I feel good, so you have to take those ‘small” things and cherish them.
I recently got my motorcycle learner’s permit and I compared my pictures on my regular license taken 3 years ago. My husband said, “Wow, your face is a lot thinner and you look younger. My younger son (24) says I look like Dolly Parton LOL. What’s funny is my bust is actually smaller but because my waist and hips have shrunk it gives that appearance of being bigger. My son says “Gee Mom when walk through the room, I just see boobs and a shadow!”
Soo, having said all that, your answer is spot on, we woman are too hard on ourselves at times always trying for “more” and not just relaxing and congratulating on ourselves for our success!
A final note, when I compare myself to others who have lost or are losing weight–I can see the difference in losing all fat versus the more “traditional” mix of fat/water/muscle. My back is leaner, I don’t have the rolls around the middle–etc.
Reply by K
I like your answer. I think it’s just as much mental change as physical.
For me, I feel like I should be seeing more physical change. I wasn’t one who was overweight my whole life. The weight/fat started coming on a few years ago and it’s been a slow process getting it off. It IS coming off, but I am stuck in that mindset that it should be completely GONE by “now”. (Because in the past if I needed to lose 10 pounds, I could with little effort…not “healthy” effort mind you, but what I thought worked…)
Of course, when I go back over what I ate, I can almost always find something that was “too much” or completely NOT on the MM plan. So I know I am my own worst enemy, and I have to continue to change how my brain reacts to this lifestyle. I have to stay committed, get over my “all or nothing”, and be happy with my progress regardless of what others say (or don’t say….sometimes I wait for someone to say “Wow! You look great!”….and when they don’t I think maybe I haven’t come as far as I thought…and my brain starts playing games with how I see my body)
Reply by C
The ah ha moment came to me earlier this week. I want to live in “freedom” and that to me is to accept myself at the size I am now. I have lost 10 pounds but my friends have said that I look like I have lost about 20. They have all commented about how relaxed and peaceful my face looks. To lose more weight to fit into the next smaller size (what I was 10 years ago) would cause me to have to stress over every calorie and exercise 2 hours a day. That is not freedom to me. I know what is a satisfying portion of food for me is now. In the past, I would eat several servings, never feeling satisfied. MM has given me back my sanity and freedom. I have to go back to step 1 for a couple of weeks b/c of using a nasal steroid spray, but after that, its back to Step 2 and then maintenance. I am so grateful that Step 1 for a short period of time is the best way to fix things when “life happens”.
Reply by Diane Kress
Thanks for sharing, C.
And K, never wait for someone to compliment you because, as I’ve said, not everyone is happy for your positive changes. I like the idea of objective pictures against a plain wall taken monthly so YOU can see your progress. You will see it.
.I think food logs are important for you. Write down what you eat and timing each day because I think then you “see” what’s on and what’s off program. You are a visual person. And always feel free to send it to me for review, ok?
Reply by K
Thanks Diane! I actually do take pictures, and I HAVE seen the difference, that’s why I get frustrated at myself when my brain starts playing games.
I definitely need to write down what I eat. I hate doing that, but I need to. I also need to get back to planning out each meal for the week, it is so much easier to plan ahead, yet I let myself get out of that.
I know what works and what doesn’t, I don’t know why I have such a hard time letting it sink in.
Reply by Diane Kress
From what I’m reading… I think you are “getting it now”. Sometimes you have to just accept what you already know
Reply by K
I think I do get it. I think the “accepting” it is what is harder for me. I am 40 and I think losing weight should be as easy as when I was 20. Or course, that was before kids, hypothyroid, the stress that comes with being an adult, etc.
Then I see people who eat unhealthy, but have the genes that they are still naturally thin and it makes me crazy. I feel like I work so hard to even maintain where I am at, much less to try to lose a little.
I have to get myself to a level where I do it for me and me only, and because I feel good, not because someone tells me I look good.
Reply by J
K, I look at it this way: there are lots of things that could be wrong with me, physically. Met B is definitely NOT the worst that I can think of. Every day I try to think how really lucky I am to “just” have this issue, physically. Also, I feel so lucky that I found MM. I volunteer at a hospital and the number of patients with diabetes is staggering. I would say about 3/4 of them! So, I don’t know if you are diabetic, pre-d or just Met B. We are all lucky that we found this way of living because we would be so much worse off without it! I know I sound like Pollyanna, but it’s the way I feel.
Reply by K
I just wish I could get over the “mental” hurdle. I don’t know why I see myself as bigger than I am. At my heaviest, I was probably 30 pounds overweight, which compared to a lot of people I know isn’t terrible. Right now, I would say I am about 10 pounds over where I would like to be. (I am using pounds just because it’s easier to visualize…I have no idea what I weigh right now, but I do know clothes that were too tight last summer fit really well this summer.) So, for me, it’s always been as much of a mental challenge as a physical one.
This is just a peek into conversations on MV. You can feel the camaraderie, honesty and support.
Join us on Miracle-Ville by clicking the link: http://www.miracle-ville.com. We’re waiting to meet you and have you join us on the Metabolism Miracle journey! Diane